http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDBjNRbEHvQ

Even with the godless reaching my property every few days, I am tortured by solitude.
The whispering of the cornfields haunt me like the moans of my undead enemies.
My depression grows stronger: its bitter claws around my neck.
I will always be tortured... tortured by solitude.

Will anything get better for me?
I have watched the world die, all I know now is regret.
Will this sickness ever leave this world?
I have watched the world die, all I know now is regret.

I will never see through this nightmare. I will never know sunlight again.
I will never see through this nightmare. I will never taste her lips again.

Sorry this is just me being selfish but I really don't like to see or hear about this. It breaks my heart.

Hope For Every Fallen Man (Acoustic) - Relient K

You know, there are a ton of D-bags out there and I really hope you girls find a good guy that will treat you right

True Worship

I love Timothy Christian :) where else would 3/4 of the whole senior class willingly come to school on a Thursday at 7pm just to lift their hands in worship. Lead by seniors for seniors. I had a lot of fun helping put this together and it tuned out really well. I know for a fact that at least one life was changed tonight. There is nothing like praying with an old friend I haven't made eye contact with for the whole year.

its ok

Have you ever been there? Where nothing is right and you can swear that God forgot about you? Have you ever been so mad at God that you just yelled at him or didn't even give him any of your time? Sometimes it lasts for a day and sometimes it can last years. I've been there and I bet you have too at one time. One thing that helps me in those times is to know that I'm not the only one that feels that way. People can say God is still there or this is just testing your faith. Well those can be empty words. Read Psalm 88. Being angry with God at times is only natural. Even when you can't find God, God will find you at the right time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbH0IWZL05s

Been here before

So I've been journaling for the past 3 years and it's interesting to see that I'm writing about the same things I was 2 years ago. I guess God really does go at his own pace because if it was mine it'd be quite different. I'm impatient and blind aren't we all?

How He Loves

So ya we were singing this song last night and my heart broke. If we even understood a little bit of how He Loves Us we wouldn't have to watch a movie about how Christians hurt people so much. It's just frustrating because I always have this thing on my mind but everyone is so paranoid on being judged that honesty is thrown out the window. It's not judgement, it's love. It's just sad that the body of Christ can't be real with itself. Get mad at me, I don't care, but know it's out of love. I guess there's just a lot on my mind.

My faith is my shifting sand so I stand on Grace

Even Abraham showed a lack of faith at one time or another. Grace is a sweet thing but we have to be careful not to use it as a crutch. We shouldn't have to depend on it.

Jars of Clay

some times you just need some harmless fun.

Raul Salazar. Check out his FB if you can because it's ridiculous. Its some freshman at TC and all the seniors tagged, posted, messaged, poked him as much as possible. i love life right now hahaha

Do my actions really tell the story of what God has done for me?

I feel like who I say I am and how I act is different. I mean come on, I get to say that I'm saved by the perfect God and the perfect human died for me. What am I really doing to show that I'm thankful? I am loved by the maker of the word and I turn my back on Him and do my own thing. How wrong is that? Shouldn't it naturally be easier to live for my maker? Oh how we've fallen...

What can I get rid of so that I can make room for the one it was made for?

-I played basketball with Kyle Jeske yesterday and he's a pretty cool guy. I hope to see him at Koin again soon.

-I feel like your mad at me but there is nothing to be mad about.

-I'm really sorry if my mom screwed it up for you.

-I have soccer before school tomorrow :(

-Do feel like your actually ready or are you faking it?

-Wheat Thins are delicious.

-Protein shakes are not.

-I see God threw music.

-I have a verse in my head and idk where it is in the Bible.

-I wish I had more secrets about myself but there is nothing interesting about me.

-I love all my 2nd semester classes but I wish I fit in better.

-I wish I was good at art because I think paintings and drawings and stuff are really cool.

-I don't think it's a very god idea.

Love is...

So I read 1 Peter this past week and a few concepts jumped out at me. There was a lot of talk about humility and Love. I also just read a book called Crazy Love and I just started a new one called A Love Worth Giving. Basically all of the above have to do with the idea that God is Love and a quality of Love is Humility. If we don't know Love we don't know God.

When Heaven comes down and Glory will fill his soul

Life is so good right now!! Sometimes you can't help but smile and thank the one who made it all happen. Gotta love eating cookie dough with my best friends :)

Also, my family is bringing a close friend to church tomorrow and I am really praying that God will touch his heart. I love this guy to death but he's pretty lost so ya. God please come and fill Ryan's heart. May he see you through my family or the music or the pastor or any other way. Just come and let him feel your embrace.

So now what?...

Every day is another chance to decide who I'm going to be.

Sometimes it helps to talk about what God may be putting on your heart. If you feel like telling someone gimme a call because I'd love to listen. I can't promise good advice but I can promise listening ears.

I dont like how my mom will always find something to be mad about

Advice

So I really liked when that person asked Dane Meyer what the best advice he got when he was a teenager was. I've been thinking about the best advice I ever got was so this is what I've come up with after constantly thinking about it for 3 days.

The best way to be encouraged is to encourage someone else.

Don't be afraid because your in God's hands.

But the one that tops them all is this: Surround yourself with God loving people and never let yourself get in a position where you can get in trouble.

Advice is an interesting thing because its so personal. What is good for me may not be good for you.

I'll Stand

So I was just listening to this song and asked myself "what if I lived a life that I'm singing about?" God doesn't listen to what we say, he listens to our heart. If he did just take our word for it I bet we could all fake it pretty well. But He doesn't, so what is your heart telling God?

Bible study

So every Monday morning I meet with a few guys before school over some coffee to just talk about what's on our hearts. We were talking about what takes priority over Christ in our lives sometimes. They said some good stuff that I took to heart so I thought id share them with u in hope that they me touch you as well.

-Our actions are a reflection of our faith and how much we have of it

-We need to be content with Jesus and stop looking for happiness in the wrong places

-Even though it's impossible to live a perfect life we try because we love him

-One thing that makes us different than others is that we learn from our mistakes and run from what tempts us

Im really only writing these because I want to remind myself of why I picked up his cross and what that really means to me. Im not trying to convict anyone, Im simply trying to remind.

I want to move on but my memories won't let me

It has gotten easier but that doesn't mean it's easy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqJ_s8iphQ0

Mr. Hersey

He is a great guy but not so great of a math teacher so im glad he went to seminary school instead. He came to talk in chapel at school today (ya thats right, be jealous I have chapel during school). He talked about God's thrown and how it's sad that in our lives God is rarely the one on his thrown. Speaking for myself I know that I have put other things on a pedestal instead of him such as a girl, a sport, or even myself. As Christians we need to understand that life isn't about us anymore. So instead of putting urself or something worldly on his thrown, make sure that He is in his rightful seat. So for me this means that I need to look for other people's needs before my own. What does this mean for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY9m0uAPun0&feature=related

I am a born again Christian. I suppose that means something different to everyone but to me it means that I have been given a chance to be different from this world. I live the life I do because I love Him. Im certainly not saying I'm better than others, I'm just saying that everyone falls short in their own way. This post may make no sense to u but thats ok because this is my blog so its more of a window into my thoughts which usually make no sense so I guess its appropriate

Everything is surprisingly all good

So I just finished "Crazy Love" and it was amazing! Everyone should read it and thats big coming from me. basically it was all about how Christians don't do enough in terms of service and love. It was quite convicting. Francis Chan calls us to action NOW. We wait because we think God is gunna come with some piercing voice making it clear what we should do with our life. Unfortunately that doesn't happen so we need to live in faith and just go and find ways to serve Him. It also says "Before you do something, think 'if Jesus came back right now would I want him to see what im doing'?" My favorite line in the whole book says "How will you answer the King when He says 'What did you do with what I gave you?'" We are being called to action. Not in your own time but NOW. So what are you going to do with what he gave you? will he be proud of you? will you be proud of yourself?

Matt 11:28-30

"Come to me all you are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light."

God if what you say is true I want it. Thanks for letting me lay my burdens at your cross because it is time to walk with you.

I know you care about me but sometimes a bit of reassurance is good

Church

So I went to big church with my mom today. Honestly I like it a lot better than 2hc. Dan Meyer talked about how it is human nature to ask the question "what is my purpose in life?" the answer is that it should be found in God. Our purpose should be to accomplish God's purpose. He also talked about Micah 6:8 to act on what is just, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. All in all, it was pretty good and idk if im gunna start doing this more or continue to sleep and talk through 2hc.

I NEVER thought it'd be like this

I never saw it actually happening but now that it is I'm on cloud 9 :) this has been the best Christmas break of my life so thanks everyone that has been a part of it